She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Congratulations! We have a period
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
