I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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