God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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