dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize