At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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