When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
