I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It's blow job season.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
