I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
