my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
