I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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