Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
