Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
