Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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