Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
