i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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