Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish i was in the wii world.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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