i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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