he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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