She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
