Umm I'm too high to move.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
