I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
