i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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