I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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