hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
