I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize