Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
