Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
