listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
OPIZZABONMYDICK
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
