I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
