Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
