Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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