a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
