some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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