You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
