That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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