If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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