I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Buhtt sex?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
