my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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