Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
