She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
