Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
