My first STD was from a foam party
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
