this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
