I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
