I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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