What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
