this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
