I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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