It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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