i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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