I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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