I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
