My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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