I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
