I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
