Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
even my farts smell like vagina
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
