he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize