Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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