I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
