we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
