I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
