sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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