Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
