He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
