I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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