i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
