She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
