I hate all girls vehemently.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm like, not good at living.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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