Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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