atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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