Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
