Tell her she can't have a vagina
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
