Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We had sex on a dog bed..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
