Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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