just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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