OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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