I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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