At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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