lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize